Failure

Ok, I'm going to let the cat out of the bag on what's been going on with me. Over the past few weeks, I've been on a few job interviews and just got word last night that I didn't get the bigger job of the 2 (I withdrew my application from the first one). I was really ok with that when I got the e-mail, because the more I thought about the job, the more I kinda dreaded hearing back from the guy. I guess that was a sign that I didn't really want it, huh :). So when I got that feeling, I started to worry about what I should do if he offered me the job. Should I accept? Should I decline? So I prayed that if I wasn't supposed to have that job, they wouldn't even offer it to me in the first place. That's what happened, so I'm taking that as a very clear answer to my prayer :).

Like I said, I'm ok with not getting the job because I don't know how much I wanted it in the first place. However, last night I started to feel and overwhelming sense of disappointment and failure. I'm sure it's just the enemy coming at me, but it wasn't a good feeling. I started doubting myself and my qualifications... whether I would ever be able to find a job that I feel matches my worth... and I kind-of just settled into a cloud of self-pity for a while. Jason couldn't really do anything to help me, because I was actually comfortable in that place. It was probably a pitiful sight :). Anyway, I'm still in the process of getting out of that "not good enough" mindset, but I'm working on it. The past few years have just been tough because even though I have a job, I want something more. I want to be able to move up in a company and use all my skills. In my mind, I can do anything! I just need to be given the chance. I guess employers don't see that when they look at my resume. I'm not sure what it is, but job hunting has been a very defeating process. Like I said, I feel like I can do anything, but the only jobs I've interviewed for are ones I could probably do in my sleep (no offense to those companies).

I just wanted to air out some of the stuff I've been bottling inside me for the past 6... 8... 15 months :). I know that God has a plan for me (to prosper me and not to harm me! - Jeremiah 29:11) and that there is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes), so I just have to wait until He gives me the "ok". Alright, I think that's all for now. Thanks for listening/reading and please let me know if you have any leads on great jobs in zip codes 30004 or 30041 ;). Have a great weekend!