Fun Excuses

I was bored, so I happened to come across a website, www.excuselist.com. It's packed full of excuses for getting pulled over, diets, work, school, etc. For a light blog today, I'll list some of my favorites:

Diet:

Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Soda, Nachos, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

But it was my birthday, so I HAD to eat the whole cake.

School:

I was late for class because i was fighting with a kid who said that you weren't the best teacher in the world.

Please excuse Jimmy from school his hair hurt.

Alex had constipation and exploded at breakfast.We have stitched him back together now.Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

I made my homework into a paper plane and it was hijacked.

Work:

I can't come to work because I lost the house keys, I'm locked in.

I have amnesia, who are you? .........work?..............I work?

I saved so much money by switching to Geico I don't have to work today.

I'm not sure when I'll be in to work...I am in the shower and the shampoo bottle says to, "Lather, Rinse, Repeat." I might be here for a loooong time.

"I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information."

"Constipation has made me a walking time bomb."

"I have to have emergency split end surgery at the salon."

Police:

Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar wasn’t plugged in.

I'm sorry officer...I just got breast implants and wearing a seatbelt hurts...

I'm sorry I was speeding officer but I have diarrhea.

"But Officer, I couldn't have been driving 60 miles per hour in a 35 miles per hour zone. I haven't been driving for an hour!" A true excuse by a little old lady.


Let me know if you have any to add :).